The slow boat, Chiang Rai, Chiang Mai x2 and Pai – 6th June to 19th June

In my quest to avoid flying as much as possible, the next leg of my journey took me up the Mekong river from the centre of Laos, to the Thai border. The famous slow boat.

The slowboat is typically taken by travellers in the opposite direction. The route I took is mostly used by locals, however there were about an equal number of travellers and locals aboard. 

I decided to take the hour and a half walk over a taxi to the jetty (Laos doesn’t really operate Grab or Uber and I don’t engage taxi’s unless I have to). However, a student on his ped picked me up around half way and dropped me off at the dock. What a hero!

The slow boat journey is two days – or well two one day legs on back to back days, about 9/10 hours of cruising each day. Our long wooden boat was surprisingly comfortable. It was a thin longboat, with a 2-by-2 seating layout. The seats themselves were the backseats out of cars, not the same car, various cars. These were then bolted onto wooden planks, which meant they could be moved around to create booths of 4, or used as leg rests.

The trip offered stunning views as the boat chugged upstream against the mighty Mekong. Mountains and jungle flanked the river throughout the trip. And the breeze was incredibly welcome throughout the journey.

After a night’s stay in one of the largest dorms I’d stayed in, I headed to the jetty for the second leg. I was too concerned about time and looked around for somewhere to buy the ticket for day two. I couldn’t find anywhere but someone clearly seeing me looking lost told me you buy them on the boat. I wandered down and hopped on the boat with the people I recognised from yesterday. It turns out the boat actually tried to leave without me, but two german girls saw me walking towards it and got the driver to stop. Again what heroes, although I would only find about this near miss much later. If I had missed it I would have just had to stay another day in what you might describe as a zero donkey village. It could have been nice but I’m glad I got to press on as planned.

I think the coolest part of the voyage were the seemingly random stops the boat would make to pick up / drop off locals. Not one of these stops used a dock or jetty. The boat would just semi-beach itself and the locals with various bits of cargo would disappear into the jungle. Sometimes you could see a village further up the hills, other times there were no signs of civilization.

None of the travellers aboard really talked to each other on the voyage. But on the second day I took the bold step to make friends with two German girls. We played quite a few rounds of penguin chess to pass the time.  Then in the final two hours there was a flurry of utility driven socialising from me. I wanted to get to Chiang Rai from the ferry terminal, a good couple of hours drive, however the options were either taxi, minivan or wait the next day for the bus. So essentially my plan was to round up 10 of us to share a minivan. I slightly overshot this and we ended up having 16 people so shared two minivans.

We all crossed the border together and made our way to Chiang Rai – via a 711 for the obligatory toasty of course. (711 in Thailand is like takeaway food heaven, you can get fried rice, frozen meals, toasties, muffins, hot drinks, cold drinks, noodle soup, whatever – and they will prepare it for you. It’s incredible. I think I went for the cheese and corn toasty and, on the recommendation of this guy Ben, a banana and chocolate muffin.  He described it as the best 10 baht (25p) you’ll ever spend, and he was right. His spiel also clarified its key not to get the chocolate or the banana muffin but it’s the banana and chocolate one you’re after. I’m glad I listened to the 711 wizard and I passed on this sacred knowledge to as many of the uninitiated as I could.)

Would I recommend taking the slow boat, over let’s say the much cheaper 6hr bus ride you can take? Well yes, but as long as sitting on a boat for two days is up your street. If not, take the bus. But I had a lovely time. Sitting, writing a bit of the blog, having the occasional nap etc. Just a very peaceful cruise up the river.

While by this point I think I’ve been to Thailand three maybe four times, this was the first time exploring more than just Bangkok and Koh Phangan (home of the full moon party). Once at Chiang Rai, I ended up sharing a room with a bloke called Jonathan who was a retired professor (so to be clear this isn’t scottish Jon, this is old Jon). He didn’t really have much in the way of a plan for Chiang Rai so ended up following me, what a mistake this was. We had a very unsuccessful day sightseeing where our/my plans were scuppered by all of the bridges across the river being unaccessable to pedestrians, and the free tram tour not running due to not having enough customers (despite it being free???). But we had a good day, saw the city, if not the blue temple I was aiming for.

But Jon was an interesting guy. His poison of choice? Opium. Which he was in the right part of the world for.

We had a lovely dinner, where I had a cashew curry thing, served in something akin to a giant prawn cracker. Delicious.

My second day in Chiang Rai was more successful, Jon had gone south to Sukhothai, which he described as some off the beaten track ruins to see. I’d rented a bike (pedal) and cycled around seeing the sights I wanted to see. The main attraction was the ‘white temple’ which was a beautifully ornate temple. But also had some strange, oddly morbid decorations. It was 10km out of town, and to be honest that was a longer cycle than I thought it would be. I’d left early but returned in the middle of the day – needless to say I was soaked.

With the sights of Chiang Rai at least 50% seen, I headed to my next destination. Chiang Mai.

I ended up staying in Chiang Mai for quite a while. Still recovering from what I self-diagnosed as a chest infection (entirely self-inflicted by the month of drinking in Cambodia/Laos). I was trying to take it easy but there was lots to see here. But having quite a bit of time here I found my favourite cafes and eateries – it was really nice to have some familiarity. One place did a huge bowl of veggies and tofu which I loved, oh and a killer fruit shake – all for about £2/3.

As was becoming a Hugo favourite, one day I rented a bicycle and took myself around the sights within the old city (which consisted of a huge number of temples – a theme of Thailand/SEA). Chaing Mai is actually the second biggest city in Thailand but almost 20 times smaller than the metropolis of Bangkok. The old city, where most of the tourists stay in or around is a square, walled and moated area with two perpendicular disecting roads and another hugely confusing one way system.

I’m becoming a big fan of just a bicycle, no plan, and seeing the sights. A basket on the bike is a must for me, so convenient.

I came back that evening to the hostel and got chatting to Gerban (pronounced with a rolling G – you know the static-y sound many european languages use). Being unable to produce said sound he became Gerban (sadly not Gerban the German and Gerban the Dutch guy doesn’t have the same ring). He was sat on the front porch of the hostel – which he later described as his favourite travelling activity. And he was onto something here. He would just sit and chill, until plans found him. And in this case I brought the plans. We both wanted to see some sights out of town so decided to share a scooter the following day and make a day of it.

We saw quite a few little bits and pieces, of course some temples, but for me most notably one temple was a sort of meditation retreat people could go on. We didn’t stay there, but we did take a good amount of time to practise some stillness in one of their pagodas.

Gerban drove there and the deal was I would drive home. I typically prefer the opposite arrangement, for reasons, but no problem. Having done his stint Gerban ‘sparked a fatty’ so to speak and hopped on the back for the ride home. On the way back I joined a club I’d hoped to never join. The big lesson was that all of the road signs saying ‘slippery when wet’ really weren’t lying…

I was driving back, coming down a hill and took a tight corner evidently slightly too fast. I think the corner was especially slippery – in my limited defence. Anyway, I turned and  leant the bike round as usual, but the wheels lost grip and the bike started to slide. I get my foot down trying to save it. Gerban also springs into action, stepping on his footrest also trying to right us. While both actions were good individually, together we over-corrected. The bike comes back and starts slipping the other way. 

Finally the bike goes its own way and I slide forward on my stomach as if I was on a slip and slide. However, out of the corner of my eye I see Gerban somehow just step out of the crash like a superhero – he literally just walked out of the crash.

We pick the bike up and regroup. I’m still in disbelief that Gerban walked out. But we were both completely unharmed. There are a few scratches on my watch face which look pretty cool imo.

The bike fared less well. One wing mirror was a right off, and there were a few scratches and marks on the side of the bike that ate that ground. While it was the first crash I’ve had driving, it wasn’t my first crash experience and I’ve seen many a friend do it. So I was pretty savvy on damage control. I dropped Gerban off and took the bike to a repair shop to get the wing mirrors fixed, which took about 10 mins and £5. I also got a quote on the scratched panel, which wasn’t so cheap. The next day we took the bike back to the rental place, somewhat expecting the worst – ‘how many thousand baht is this gonna cost us?’ But the bloke didn’t even look at it. Just gave us the deposit back (which was Gerban’s passport) and we calmly but briskly walked away lol.

Yeah so, I’m in the I’ve crashed a motorcycle club. All in all it was good to finally do it, its some what inevitable (ahah he says now) and it’s improved my driving I think. Ever since whenever in the wet I crawl around the corners, and the bike stays upright. It also reinforced my ‘only rent the most scratched bike the rental place has’ rule.

Completing my tour of North Thailand I spent a few days in Pai. Famous for its tipsy tubing, where they put 500 tourists in rubber rings and get them really pissed. And if you think it sounds like a hazard it is. People die every year, but it continues. I didn’t partake, still recovering.

I took a trip to the Pai Canyon, on my favourite motorcycle I’ve ever rented. It drove well, and it was bright yellow! Big fan of that. After a couple of days I returned to Chiang Mai where I pretty rested and completed my recovery. Oh and some friends from Cambodia ended up in the same hostel, so we caught up a bit which was nice. Although Bunny (one of the friends) first question when she saw me was ‘is your friend still with you?’ Pow – right in the heart. But Steve, you have an admirer there.

Back in Chaing Mai I returned to my favourite spots, including the curry place and a wine bar / cafe type thing which I’d been to a lot by this point. They served an awful cuppa but they had ferocious aircon so I stomached the tea and enjoyed the cool.

Chiang Mai had what I think was the largest night market I’ve ever seen. The disecting roads through old town are all shut and their length filled with market stalls. Some of the temple complexes are converted into food courts. A proper set up and its size meant it didn’t feel too busy.

My Rai, Mai, Pai tour was about two weeks in total, but a lot of that time was me taking it easy.

These were the classic bits to see in N Thailand, but as is my preference, it was time for me to get off the beaten track again. But that is for next time.