Part two – idiots men vs Australia
Having explored Brissy a bit, Alex and I rented a second smaller van for the second leg of our Australian road trip.
Having lost our captain and chief researcher it was time for Alex and I to start thinking for ourselves. Our loose plan was to continue to drive south and explore as much nature as possible. Which we started by driving 830kms NNW… whoops.
One of our first stops was in an unremarkable but nice town with a funny name – Gympie! Here we stayed the night with Alex’s family friends who welcomed us with great hospitality. I must admit to breaking my veggie-ism here, as upon arrival our Andrea (who if memory serves me right used to be Alex’s au pair growing up) was so excited to be making us a shepherd’s pie. When I said I was a veggie I could see the sadness in her eyes and i just couldn’t do it to her. I caved and helped her cook it up… They had a lovely house with plenty of land in a cool neighbourhood which opted not to install any fences separating the gardens. As a result you would see plenty of kangaroos hopping around in packs.
Moving on, I think its noteworthy to speak briefly about Australia’s obsession with the Biggest X – as tourist attractions. On our adventures, and perhaps lacking our chief researcher’s more discerning eye for mediocre attractions, we found ourselves at attractions including: The World’s Bigggest Bolt, and the Worlds Biggest Easel. While not un-noteworthy perhaps they lack a depth of substance. On a similar but much more interesting note – we found ourselves in the heart of Queensland and surrounded by Bottle Trees! These very interesting and cool looking trees have a trunk that balloons out in maturity creating (you guessed it) a bottle shape. Having typed that I dont have much more to say about them but they’re cool!
The new squad of Alex, the new smaller van and I did find a rhythm which essentially consisted of driving from national park to national park, hiking all day and then sleeping soooo well. The only breaks to this pattern were detours to resupply at Woolworths (whose trailmix is akin to crack-cocaine) and the occasional stop on the coast. We zig-zagged our way back down through Australia. The month or so we spent hiking was brilliant, and perhaps one of the most satisfying lifestyles I’ve ever had the pleasure of walking.
We did have a few hiccups. On one night time drive, we were cruising along when we suddenly spot a kangaroo a short distance ahead. Its hopping along the road, it pauses as we drive by and right at the last second hops directly in front of the van. Somewhat fortunately we collided with the poor roo at c100kms/hr – which I do think is better than merely injuring the roo and leaving it to die slowly. After a moment of shock, we stopped pulled a u-y, and pulled over to remove the Roo from the road. We weren’t sure what the etiquette was here, throughout Australia the roadsides are littered with roadkill (mostly roos, but also wombats, snakes and lizards too), but we decided out of we would remove it from the road. I went to lift the the still warm (but clearly dead) roo, but had misjudged quite how bottom heavy these animals are. Having readjusted my grip I was now holding the roo. I didn’t really know where to put it, so opted to respectfully and gently toss it into a large bush. Thankfully this was our only incident of the like. Alex’s keen eyes later saved a large lizard, with us slamming on the breaks to stop just ahead of this nonchalant sun basker. I hopped out and encouraged our friend off the road with a stick.
Our trip to Carnarvon Gorge was also filled with capers (all of which I bear a fair amount of responsibility for). Alex was chief driver and I primarily was chief chef, however I wore many hats and also took on navigational responsibility. We were about to set off to the gorge, I put in Carnarvon Gorge into google maps, and Carnarvon Gorge National Park was the first result. It was in the right place, it had the right name, everything looked good. Alex asks “are you sure its the right place?” “Yeah Carnarvon Gorge National Park.” I say confidently. After all, its very popular spot, a beautiful gorge with great hiking infrastructure and plenty of daily visitors. We’re driving along, and make our turning onto a dirt road towards the park. The dirt road was for sure a red flag we ignored. The fact the dirt has been weather affected to create little wave like bumps which made driving at any real speed far to bumpy was another red flag. All of these red flags were ignored for 100kms of this bumpy road. We arrive at the national park, only to find it nearly empty. There was us in our 2WD Toyota Hiace and some grey nomads with their Toyota Land Cruiser (equipped with snorkel and raised off-road caravan). We met he rangers, who looked at us, looked at the van, then back at us and remarked “You drove here in that?” “Yeah.” we replied. “Well you better hope it doesn’t rain…” they said half chuckling. They also informed us we hadn’t arrived at Carnarvon Gorge as intended but the Mt Moffat section of Carnarvon Gorge National Park. As it turns out the national park covers almost a million acres and is split into 7 sections. We had found ourselves in one of the most remote – while not in the true outback we were in the middle of nowhere for sure. Despite not being where we wanted to be, we loved it. All of the trails to ourselves, hiking and climbing. In the evenings we were joined by very friendly roos and some other animal I don’t think we identified but did capture a photo of.
Given its remoteness there were no showering facilities and I really needed one. There were however taps, and I knew what needed to be done. So armed with a flannel and a bar of soap I told Alex not to worry about the sounds and I took an incredibly cold under the tap shower behind the van. But of course I was stoically silent throughout the traumatically cold wash……………..
The real cock up came upon us exiting the park. Fortunately it didn’t rain so the roads remained drive-able for us. We pause at the final tap before we exit the park, and quickly discuss stopping to fill up our water tank, but decide against it as we are heading back towards civilisation. We then begin our long journey to the much more accessible part of the park. We clear the dirt road and are back on tarmac when our engine turns off suddenly. We try to turn her back on, to no avail. We step outside into the baking heat. We pop the hood, look at the engine, look at each other and conclude its an engine and that it isn’t working at the moment. We were clueless. I glance at my phone – no service. I looked up and down the road, we hadn’t seen anyone all day (across perhaps 3 or 4 hours of driving). So we are in the middle of nowhere. With little chance of a passing car. The sun beating down on us. A measly supply of drinking water. Now this could be a reasonable time to panic, however that isn’t the British way.
We set up the table and chairs in the small amount of shade cast by the van. We cracked out the kettle and used the remaining water to have a cuppa. We sat and distracted ourselves with a crossword before packing everything up. We closed the bonnet. Got buckled up and turned the key. With a somewhat unhealthy sound our little van spluttered into life! And we were back on the road, relieved not to die on the side of a road after opting not to refill the water tank a mere 4 hrs ago. Lesson learnt there.
Alex and I continued onto Canarvan Gorge which was beautiful, and then onto the next National Park and the next. Hiking our little hearts out during the day, and then in the evening cooking up a feast either on a public BBQ or over a campfire. At Cathedral Rock national park I took a little fall scraping my legs down the side of the rock after trying to take a slightly too direct root.
On one hike, we’re walking along and I’m turning my head to chat to Alex as we follow the trail. Alex interrupts me all too calmly to say “Snake.” pointing at my feet. Mid-stride I look down and see I’m about to step on a black snake. With a very manly sound I manage to skip off my grounded foot and narrowly avoid (what we can only assume was a) deadly poisonous snake.
Our journey took us further and further south, eventually we passed Syndey only stopping at the Blue Mountains. While they are beautiful, I think we both preferred the equally stunning nature in the places where it was much less crowded. By this point we were running out of time and needed to return the van to Melbourne. We briefly stopped in Canberra (which every Aussie I’ve met hated but I thought was quite pretty), and finally we arrived in Melbourne, we returned our second van. I believe in total we managed to stretch the theoretical 4000km route to well over 10,000kms.
My time in Australia had been filled with some of the most incredible cups of tea overlooking beautiful coasts, stunning mountains and gorgeous countryside. With a fair amount of driving and remarkably few schooners of beers (a nonsensical Aussie measurement). It was an awesome leg of the journey, and a really refreshing taste of home.
And on that note that brings us three months closer to caught up!
